Noooo. Bad bad idea. Why, you ask? Two words: MIKE. PENCE. Trump gets impeached, THAT God-shouting dickbag is what will be put in his place.

That cat looks utterly miserable. Poor meow!

That cat looks utterly miserable. Poor meow!

Aww—congrats, daddy!

Aww. I was actually entertained by those books, until I realized the authors REALLY BELIEVED THAT STUFF and it wasn’t a sci-fi/fantasy reworking of the Book of Revelations because people were out of ideas for book plots.

Ooohh, do you also make coffee ice cubes? That’s like, 2-day prep, but totally worth it for make-your-own coffee on weekends. Pot of coffee > Cooled to room temperature > Pour in ice cube tray > Freeze > Voila, coffee-flavored ice that won’t water down the flavor!

Are you me? All three of my sisters and my mom have this problem—my mother and I are the two who...have concern for the ability of other living things to breathe and not die, so we DON’T eat onions in company. My sisters, not so much. :P

Yes, us also—greetings, fellow Pru-worker! :)

I can do you one better—Spooky Willow!

OMG, the Black Rabbit of Inle! Holy crap, I haven’t thought of that book/movie in YEARS.

Oh GOD, Lagavulin...burnt sticks and sadness steeped in rubbing alcohol.

You summed it all up beautifully. I’ve been sporadically leaking happy tears since they announced the decision, and I don’t think I’m going to stop anytime soon! YAY MARRIAGE

Oooh, I like that. How about "a shriek" of teenage girls for the really obnoxious ones? And teenage boys are "a slouch." :)

I SAVE BREAD BAG!

You mean, THIS WHOLE TIME I could've been doing meth? WHAT WAS I THINKING

OMG TRY THE YELLOW WATERMELON. It's so delicious! You try it too, Pinkham; I can almost guarantee you'll change your mind, and allow yellow watermelon into your cold black heart. (Did I mention that I love your writing?)

I got:

"...the rich and their ponies getting shitfaced..." All I could think of when I saw this part of your comment was, "OMG, THEY GIVE THE HORSES BOOZE? Rich people are NUTS!"

+1000000000 for the Metalocalypse reference! WOO DETHKLOK

"Summer's Eve?" YOU ARE MY NEW FAVORITE PERSON.

May I suggest that you educate yourself?