"As a middle-aged, admittedly square, FBI Special Agent who doesn't play video games, I was understandably perplexed when, during the 'follow the money' analysis, I kept seeing payments being made to something I'd never heard of called Evony," Simon said. "A bit of Googling properly identified Evony as an online video…

This is kind of a pretentious thing to say. (Yes, the funniness that this sentiment is coming from someone who's username is hoitytoity does not escape me.)

How are your feelings on variation? Like if I'm cursing at least every sentence, but substitute shit, bitch, cunt, bastard, etc for fuck, is that still boring? Of course, I sound like I have the worst form of Tourette's, but as long as it's not boring...

"Die in a fucking fire"—I'm offended as I've known many people who have been killed or injured in fires. Your use of hyperbole is offensive, uncreative and also unfunny. I need to communicate my distress to my FUCKING LAWYER...because that's the FIRST person you call when you feel offended and feel like you could…

maybe hipsters are unfamiliar with comedy, but comedy is based on the comparison or contrast between two ideas that creates a friction or cognitive dissonance that our brains recognize as funny. Here, Rivers is comparing living in her daughter's lavish guest room to the hellish conditions of The cleveland kidnapping…

Not the other way around as in:

I went to grade school in the 70s and back then that school had a huge playground. The best part was the kickball "field" on the paved part of the playground behind the school building. It was laid out in a way that made it possible to hit the back of the school, a three stroy brick building, with an especially good…

The two times where you admitted everyone else wins were the high points of your post.

Sensationalized headlines used to make not-so-life-or-death stories sound like its LITERALLY LIFE OR DEATH is lame click baity garbage used to drive eyes to stories that don't deserve it.

That's a great analogy.

It honestly depends on what you're going for (and assuming your personal sleep cycle is 90 minutes—it can vary for individuals). If you're going for pure rest—that is, making your body more functional by getting all the possible benefits from sleep—then go to bed right away. If you're going for restedness—that is,…

I have no mouth and I must scream.

"The rate of fatal work injury for U.S. workers in 2012 was 3.2 per 100,000 full-time equivalent (FTE) workers, down from a rate of 3.5 per 100,000 in 2011."

It took me two reads to get her meaning as well. Could have been written much more clearly.

And some people want to know what the crime was related to, e.g. random act, sex crime, robbery, murder for hire, etc.

"I don't know which of these three adults were "connecting" with drugs that day, I don't know who was taking care of that baby all night, and I don't know who said what to whom in the hours before the stabbing, but let's say we imagine the worst case scenario on all fronts. EVEN THEN, the punishment for drug use is…

Only if you stop talking about your catering business.

Can we all just agree to stop telling Derek things?

I'm sure this movie will do just fine, and in the end no one will give a shit what I thought. That's fine. But I'm still going to secretly hope that someday, someone will decide to make a movie about cars without assuming that the audience is composed of chimps with drivers' licenses.

I'm having a hard time understanding WHY some folks are even criticizing this video. I could see if he was cursing his mom out or throwing a temper tantrum like soooo many children his age do, but c'mon he was being a kid. I could imagine an adult saying these words and them NOT coming off as an asshole.... I mean he…