"As a middle-aged, admittedly square, FBI Special Agent who doesn't play video games, I was understandably perplexed when, during the 'follow the money' analysis, I kept seeing payments being made to something I'd never heard of called Evony," Simon said. "A bit of Googling properly identified Evony as an online video…

Or, viewed another way, the bug is walking around this popcorn planetoid while carrying the Earth on its back.

This is kind of a pretentious thing to say. (Yes, the funniness that this sentiment is coming from someone who's username is hoitytoity does not escape me.)

How are your feelings on variation? Like if I'm cursing at least every sentence, but substitute shit, bitch, cunt, bastard, etc for fuck, is that still boring? Of course, I sound like I have the worst form of Tourette's, but as long as it's not boring...

"Die in a fucking fire"—I'm offended as I've known many people who have been killed or injured in fires. Your use of hyperbole is offensive, uncreative and also unfunny. I need to communicate my distress to my FUCKING LAWYER...because that's the FIRST person you call when you feel offended and feel like you could…

maybe hipsters are unfamiliar with comedy, but comedy is based on the comparison or contrast between two ideas that creates a friction or cognitive dissonance that our brains recognize as funny. Here, Rivers is comparing living in her daughter's lavish guest room to the hellish conditions of The cleveland kidnapping…

Not the other way around as in:

I went to grade school in the 70s and back then that school had a huge playground. The best part was the kickball "field" on the paved part of the playground behind the school building. It was laid out in a way that made it possible to hit the back of the school, a three stroy brick building, with an especially good…

The two times where you admitted everyone else wins were the high points of your post.

Because apparently it's okay shame smaller people by calling them anorexic but fat-shaming is off limits amirite?

It's the simple things that mess with my brain if I really think about it. I can convince myself in understanding how CDs and mp3s work but like vinyl? Sound is trapped inside a record? I'll never believe there isn't at least some sorcery going on there.

Sensationalized headlines used to make not-so-life-or-death stories sound like its LITERALLY LIFE OR DEATH is lame click baity garbage used to drive eyes to stories that don't deserve it.

Given the choice I would have been content to see Oculus picked up by Valve if by anyone.

That's a great analogy.

It honestly depends on what you're going for (and assuming your personal sleep cycle is 90 minutes—it can vary for individuals). If you're going for pure rest—that is, making your body more functional by getting all the possible benefits from sleep—then go to bed right away. If you're going for restedness—that is,…

I have no mouth and I must scream.

It took me two reads to get her meaning as well. Could have been written much more clearly.

And some people want to know what the crime was related to, e.g. random act, sex crime, robbery, murder for hire, etc.

"I don't know which of these three adults were "connecting" with drugs that day, I don't know who was taking care of that baby all night, and I don't know who said what to whom in the hours before the stabbing, but let's say we imagine the worst case scenario on all fronts. EVEN THEN, the punishment for drug use is…

[This is in response to "They are given by the child's doctor. Who is not in the pay of the government", at least initially.]