How in the world was Nelson Cruz's homer 41 feet off the ground? That would have meant it went higher than the Green Monster, which I'm having a very difficult time picturing watching this GIF.

"One day, Brandt clutched his chest and collapsed. His heart was failing him. His friends and family looked around, but there was not a defibrillator in sight. There would be nothing to save him now."

I knew the recession hit Cleveland hard, but this is ridiculous.

What are the odds some jackass golf fan at home phones the PGA and reports a rules violation for this putt?

Huh. I had no idea footballs could be used as suppositories.

Buttsnap doesn't have the same ring to it as buttfumble.

I didn't know the Yankees were still playing baseball. Judging by their recent performances, I was convinced that the baseball season had already ended.

My own contribution to the tabloid newspaper back page headlines?

Ray Rice: **BYE***

Good luck finding someone who will spend 6 hours crafting a message to someone they've never met and only know through this bat-shit-insane profile.

Looks like an icicle

Terrapin? More like, terrabull.

I'd look that way all the time, too, if I were Chad Kroeger.

Has anyone ever told this announcer to slow the fuck down? Geez, where does he think he's at, the racetrack??

I hope Ditka's continued on-air stupidity destroys his earning power.

STOP WASTING PUBLIC MONEY ON STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS.

STOP WASTING PUBLIC MONEY ON STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS

Do any of these people toss a single item at any point in their lives?