It takes a lot of work to pee in that many bottles, damnit.

Obama will veto PCARE.

Top Secret!

#notallwerewolves

I accept your laws, Glitter Jesus!

That tag is too good

That's insulting to werewolves, I'm sure most of them aren't conservative.

I personally always trust people with glitter.

Possibly my most favorite part about this whole dumb thing is that if you go on the brewery tour at Anheuser-Busch, they will call attention, at one point, to an antique chandelier they have hanging in one part of their facility.

See, I'm on the opposite end of things here.

My therapist just told me I have an eating disorder and I had never, ever even considered it. She said, "If you beat the shit out of yourself every time you eat, then it's an eating disorder." And if it is detrimental to your emotional health to eat. I think a lot of people probably have no idea, at least when it…

I envision myself on like, Hoarders: Beauty Edition, crying and clinging to my expired tubes of mascara and eye cream samples. "No, not those! THOSE ARE GOOD!"

I just sent this story to my brother, and while he thought my burn on Florida was pretty good, he notes that ice is, in fact, bad for burns, because it increases scarring. Correction: watch this video with cold water on hand. I apologize for the error.

I honestly just cannot comprehend the institutional circling of the wagons these days. Every single time they're caught doing something like this (and they're always caught), the PR is demonstrably worse than it would have been if they'd just address the issue directly and seriously.

This is how I felt in Paris. Like the fattest, ugliest woman in all of France. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Which sucks, because Paris.

Not bad, but it's worth referencing that Gizmodo already covered the uber-ultimate Facebook creepy-troll tactic, courtesy of legendary Ryan Roy: