The salad days before his salad was riddled with hemorrhoids.

the B-side "Pine Tar Baby"is actually better

What a stupid question. If Kelly were interested in intentionally calling shitty plays, he'd have signed Najeh Davenport by now.

Everybody knows that Custer gave great Christmas gifts. What this gift presupposes is - maybe he didn't?

Screw that. Open it with a 2-liter soda bottle.

Melvin summed it up best.

This is what you get when someone with a porn star/stripper name ends up writing about the NFL. You wouldn't let someone named Jeeves plan your finances would you?

Those ice cubes that are actually frozen stones; that's a great way to chip a front tooth, right?

Hopefully Tommy is kinda like me. I wear my jeans 5-6 times, then burn them so the poor can never have nice things.

You don't just leave them in your hotel room?

Huh. Well. Guess I'm gross?

"My genes are a wash."

There's only one logical conclusion to draw from this.

And for anyone with an income around mine, just wrap up a case of Natty for all of them.

Fuck that noise. This is the best:

It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

This is terribly. No reputable journalism source should have a front page article with a heading that basically reads JAMEIS WINSTON RAPED A WOMAN, especially after the justice department has declined to prosecute the case. Maybe he is innocent, maybe he is guilty, but innocent until proven guilty used to be a real…

It's articles like these that make me pray for a comment section full of Simpsons .gifs

oh boy, this is going to get out of control...

+2 1 for the meme and 1 for the reverse wonka.