I just went from liking Seth Rogen to loving Seth Rogen. Well done.

That is just straight-up terrifying. If I saw a group of men with assault rifles in a public place, I wouldn't even assume it was an armed robbery, I'd assume it was a planned mass shooting.

In related news, 4 men with the smallest penises in the world showed up at a local jack in the box to show off their huge guns.

Carrying a backhoe is reallllly hard. Because they're enormous. So if there's people somewhere doing that, I want to grab my popcorn and watch.

I cannot believe they were surprised the people were terrified. I think this is exactly what they wanted. Makes them feel powerful.

Ew! Please tell me that those licking tongues selfies are related and are not just a thing that happens now.

Dear Monkeygod in Monkeyheaven Above,

You guys. I love how most of these comments are "OMG EW NO ONE WANTS TO SEE JAMES FRANCO'S STUPID PENIS EWWW" followed by complaining that you can't actually see the penis.

So.... When I click on a link that says "nude" I kind of have an expectation of no clothes. He is clearly wearing underwear. Granted, it's being worn lower than probably advised on the tin, but still. It's there, and pretty much where you'd expect. Nude fail.

"I didn't do a good job tasting that" is probably the best thing ever!

My uterus just spontaneously expelled my IUD. thanks a lot!

Did Mario Lopez just tell us he went down on Sarah Palin?

"It was so weird when it was about penis. Now that it's about our mutual leakage, I feel much better."

That's such an Ariel thing to say.

I forgot where I saw this, but "Facebook makes you hate people you know, Twitter makes you love people you've never met" rings pretty true for me.

Facebook has made me utterly loathe so many friends, relatives, and acquaintances of mine that it's unreal. And for that, I thank it.