I believe every millennial in Alaska has gone to high school with a Palin. That fact is not really needed for this story.

I had this, you know, post-adolescent fascination with serial killers. Pretty normal. At this point, however, I want to close my eyes, put my hands over my ears, and be like LA LA LAAA! JUST CANNOT TAKE THIS STUFF IN MY OLD AGE! har har

She's giving Satan worship a bad name.

Murderous satanic cults don't exist. Except in the minds of fundamentalist Christians, the mentally ill and the victims of recovered memory therapy.

oh yes...those silly permissions things...

After I learned about the Salem witch trials, my mom walked in on me with 3 of my barbies hanging by there neck from my fan as the other barbies jeered at them.

My sister and I would film our own version of a soap opera with our dolls, which we called “All My Barbies.” We only had one Ken with one outfit, so we would tape yarn or fabric to his head to make him look like a different character. After big moments, like when Barbie got trapped in a collapsed cave by evil brown…

I loved my Barbies and their drama.

My mom wouldn't let me have a Ken doll and I now realize it was because she didn't want me pretending to make them have sex. Nice try mom. #lesbiandreamhouse

I too only had one Ken and a dozen Barbies. My sister and I had the Pizza Hut and Soda Shoppe playsets, which contrasted like crazy with the Disney Princess-style gowns that made up a good chunk of their wardrobes (Costco's Christmas season off-brand Barbie dress set was a staple under the tree). As a result, we…

YOU MADE A MERKIN OUT OF BARBIE HAIR?

Okay, I will be forever proud of this Barbie story: We (my younger sis and I) had a small dog that once chewed the leg off one of our barbies. So instead of getting upset, we coloured her leg with red marker and threw her into the pool, because she was now a shark attack victim.

Yep! Here too! Bizarre love triangles and mean-girl tricks and slut shaming, all long before those were common buzz words. Gee, if we blame Barbie for our terrible body images, can I also blame her for my terrible relationships??

I used to cut off all of my Barbies hair.

I was very traditional. Barbie and Ken got into bed with me every night, naked, and they would make out all night long because that's how you make a baby.

I also remember hammering things with Barbie's nekkid boobs quite regularly. They were so hard!

Two words: Lesbian Island.

I was too young when I learned about the Holocaust. I shaved all my Barbies and placed them on a cookie sheet, just as my mother was walking into the kitchen. I can't imagine the look on her face when she learned that her little girl was "playing Shoah."

My Kens were subjected to left-leg amputation as soon as they…

You forgot this one. I get it alot.

When they get audio back, she says something like "this tops the fake plane crash" and then the video ends. Fake plane crash?! I wanna hear more about that story, please!