"I almost foam at the mouth in disgust, but I try to be pleasant."

The lattes cost less than those I enjoy at Starbucks. But they are worthy.

Not even a joke, this lady is a far better writer than 90% of the people** currently in my advanced novel-writing workshop at a Canadian university that shall remain nameless*

I have never been prouder of my country. (No snark - I'm serious.)

If Canada doesn't win this category, the judges are fools. I'm sure they are regardless, but Canada must win this.

SLUTS!

He's just afraid that the truth will come out:

As a celibate rabbit, I am sick with rage that my life experiences are being negated like this.

The entitlement in telling another woman what to do with her eyebrows. I just — not to be obnoxious about it, but this is how women enact and enforce the patriarchy on one another.

What I heard: The most important thing to learn in college is conformity. It is not the time to experiment with ideas and finding your style! If you want to advance to the basic bitch big leagues when you graduate now is them time to stop thinking and start bronzing.

I love Sorority girls' penchant for fancy-ing up even the most mundane of details. "GOD BECKY THIS DRESS ISN'T PURPLE YOU DUMB BITCH IT'S CLEARLY AUBERGINE."

I kept reading polish week as Polish week, in which case I imagine the prep is less manicure and more:

I always knew that my 18th century brass etching fetish would pay off someday.

ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ADULTOSAUR GOING TO WORK

NOW YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE, IN AN ELEGANT AND TASTEFUL MANNER THAT CONVEYS RESPECT AND YET HONORS CENTURIES OF BLING APPRECIATION. I SALUTE YOU SIR.

Drink straight with a chaser of iced tea, coffee, or Blue Powerade. For best results, make sure you have an empty stomach. Afterwards, eat an entire Digiorno pizza and immediately fall asleep without doing dishes.

"Draw me like one of your Orlesian Qunari."

Don't count out Lviv just yet. You're greatly underestimating Putin's desire to have Russia host the Winter Games twice in an eight-year span.