MY VAGINA IS SO CONFUSED YOU GUYS.

Kaiser 2: Electric Boogaloo and I started together when we were 14 and have been going strong for almost ten years. We've been long distance the last 6 years and he's moving to DC in August. It's the first time we'll be in the same state since we were in high school. It's....really weird. Having to actually put effort…

It's going to be Quinoa, regardless of sex. Duh.

OH it's that crazy Ivy League lady that you find in every upper class New England suburb. She's like the ones that my mother would slowly drag me away from before starting a fist fight with her when I was a little kid. I bet she paid for presitigious private NYC pre-school too.

But those are the BEST tights!

BUT BUT!!

:( That's awful. Poor kids.

............am I the only one who feels this helps her more than it hurts her? She has a new catchy tune to use against him!

OH my god. Once I pass the bar and move in with my partner who works a lot from home, I'm going to seriously consider getting one of these little guys. I am dying from all of the cute. All of it.

Related topic: I'm spending the next five days in Denver hanging out and I need to find out what the best craft beer tours are. It's for, uh, research. Yeah. Research. For Science. If any Denver Jezzies want to join, I would love to have company. For my experiments. Obviously.

I'm meh on pasta. It reminds me of the nights my mom needed to cook dinner after a late night shift from the ICU when she was in a bad mood. Also, I'm just meh on bread and bread based products generally. I like good Ramen though, like the real stuff. I make some mean Ramen with real pork broth.

'gasp' That was at the Way Station. That bar is AWESOME.

My parents would drive me to the police station and tell me I would be arrested and taken away forever if I didn't behave. They would do this if I was too loud or didn't want to put on girls clothes. I have anxiety issues now.

I may or may not have pretend played "Knights of Tortall" with my friends when I was little.

I'm currently in Colorado. Smoking weed is basically Tuesday. It's not special anymore. Also, there's a dispensary on almost every street corner in certain parts of Denver now.

My situation has just upgraded from Awkward Turtle to A GIANT BALE FLEET OF AWKWARD GALAPAGOS TORTOISES. I'm renting a room in my boss's house (I'm interning in a rural area for public interest law stuff). He has a GF who lives with him. He was cheating on her with another attorney at the office. They just broke up…

I went to the local pre-school offered by my church at a discount. I guess that's why I didn't get into Harvard Law. : (

Is. Is that Joan Rivers in the background?!

So what does that make the congressional staffers?

I'm declaring that DC is Middle Earth for purposes of Jezebel cannon. I'm not sure I can do that, but I'm declaring it anyway.