If that's considered being an animal, I don't want to be human.

The regime surrounding marijuana is absurd. Especially given how much we know that anxiety can lead to physical pain, marijuana could actually be a useful medical tool in combating these issues in the first place.

"That shit is DANGEROUS. What you need is some high-test opium-derivatives. In comes in a capsule, so it must be okay."

Not to be too much of a buzzkill here, but isn't the CDC's job sorta kinda raising the alarm on health issues in the first place?

I am aching (literally) to try some medical grade ganj. Ugh.

Could be worse - you could be a Bills fan living on the west coast. 6:30 kick-off? You can go right to hell, Roger Goodell.

Most Jaguars fans are used to being up at the crack of dawn, but that's because they're truck drivers.

Not only do I have to watch the Dolphins in London, they want me to wake up at 9:30 on a fucking Sunday to watch them lose a game to the fucking Jets?

I want to design a game that has a similar feature. I would call it "junk swagger," and would involve a QWOP-like interface.

Why the fuck would anyone play such games on Steam in the first place? Where everybody can see you play, and even if you play offline can see those games in your library?

I bet I could throw the football over those mountains. I wouldn't been all-state if coach would have put me in senior year.

Probably the most devastating use of the belt since Adrian Peterson.

And he's awful in fantasy leagues because he's constantly slowing things down by attempting to draft Cristiano Ronaldo in every damn round.

Get out.

Why would God watch football when his son can't even win the quarterback job for the fucking Titans?

I beg to differ. My friend Jesús won't shut the fuck up about fútbol.

When are these guys gonna learn that when you're planning to tape you and your buddies assaulting a girl, the first thing you should do is eat broken glass until you've all died?

Take it from them, Obama. Say that mothers deserve financial security when they create life. Say that the greatest commitment to family values is an economic one. Force these assholes to take a position against MOTHERHOOD and watch 'em twist and burn.

So a 0.001 rating then.

ASSLOAD OF FIBRE.