I believe tryouts for Petulant 20-something Commenter Who Doesn't Want Kids is always open.

Ignore all the replies. I've given the show every benefit of the doubt trying to understand what other people see in it. I'm sorry, but after watching a few episodes, there isn't anything there. It's a kids show, and skewed towards little girls at that. Unlike shows adults could get something out of, like…

Unmatched success? You mean teams like the Niners, Cowboys, Giants, Redskins, Patriots, and Steelers, that all have more championships than your team, can't match your success?

I think you're the first person to ever bring this up. Great jokes!

Thugs. I'm sure this will result in a drive by shooting by these wannabe rap artists. Trust me, one of these "baby daddies" is gonna end up getting "smoked." At least with their new contracts, these guys will no longer be on welfare.

[Reads headline]

"I KNEW IT! I knew there was a reason I loved watching him play, to the point where he gave me gigantic erections I felt compelled to hide!"

[Claps excitedly; shoots 'finger-guns;' flashes 1000-kW smile]
[Bangs Bonds-erection on concrete planter; gets Bonds-erection caught in nearby door]
[Claps…

You're the only one who backpedaled by claiming, all of a sudden, that your posts were all satire -though not in those precise words since you probably didn't know the word for what you claimed you were trying to do...but I digress. I still stand by what I said: this only works when you're showboating through the…

So like 12% of the pop is black, so that makes the entire country ... shit, I can't even finish this. You're a terrible human being.

Dungy: I was a bit surprised about the outcome here. When I last spoke to him, I did say that I noticed several matters that could become issues in the future. I did not wish to have direct involvement in those issues, but... [pauses] I certainly did not want to have a role in making those issues worse. If that was…

i don't get it

Don't worry, D'Brick's got this one.

Marshawn: [Orders red velvet from Amazon]

"Whoa, that's Marshawn Lynch"

You are the king of the written sentence!

This is actually how Justin Smoak started playing for the Seattle Mariners next door. He just never left and management didn't feel like pressing the issue.

How about he's an American treasure and worthy of celebration?

Fan 1: Dude... you have to see this.
Fan 2: What? [Watches over shoulder] Oh, this. Yeah, I heard this was coming today.
Fan 1 and Fan 2: [Watching screen]
Fan 1: [Giggles] Waitwaitwait, watch this part.
Fan 2: Oh, God. That is so true.
Fan 1: Right? That is so dead-on. Absolutely dead-on, right?
Fan 2: I'd say so... oh,…

Just gonna leave this right here

I don't know about angry. It looks like a kind and wizened elder to me. Like an ent.