That's not assured.

Hey, don’t forget that Sea-Hulk asshole even left early in the incredible Packers NFC Championship game. The SUPERFAN left one of those stunning, instant-classic rally games early. How does he even still live in this city?

Sonic Adventure’s soundtrack was miles above the actual game itself. The disparity was actually kind of jarring.

I don’t know about best of all time, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t give a shout out to my man Yuzo.

I get no regard, no regard at all. No esteem, neither.

And once I saw a blimp!

Will a cocktail napkin with the words “works good” scrawled in crayon suffice?

I genuinely think Kotaku should have a weekend guest editor who is a father of a 2 year-old girl and who works full-time. I have an extensive knowledge of video games and video game history, but I’m too broke to enjoy any of the brand new games, so when I DO get to play something even remotely current-gen, my mind is…

One of the most surreal moments in ANY medium?

He’s been saying Dwayne Wade’s cousin was going to die? Shouldn't someone look into this?

My birthday is on September 9th and the wife is hinting strongly she’s getting me a PS4. So two days after the Neo announcement. Perfect timing. So it’ll still be current-gen since I doubt the Neo is coming out any time before Christmas.

I still don’t have a PS4. I have a kid and another on the way. I need the cheapest entry model into current-gen video games that I can buy. When the Neo comes out, guess what I’m going to do? Wait probably a year or two before I even consider buying one!

My girl would be livid that you didn't add sugaring to that list.

Yup. I had to go into media blackout if there was any event I genuinely was dying to watch and didn’t want to know the results to. I had to turn off notifications on at least three different news and sports apps. IT SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY.

Hell man, I love Deadspin but their own articles were firmly sided with the swimmers at first.

This was my dear friend Sohail Ameri’s last tweet. His Twitter is uproarious, check it out if you have nothing to do sometime.

I’m pretty sure that one Bills fan is snorting crushed up Percocet or something. It’s the whole point of the dollar.

OR, all three got robbed at a whorehouse and made up the whole taxi/police thing to hide that they were having sex with whores in the whorehouse.

Oh right, the three other guys. Are we positive they're not all Ryan Lochte in different wigs? All white swimmers look the same to me.

This, a trillion times over. And this all happened the night he failed to medal in the final event and the spotlight was now firmly OFF him.