"I told you up front, no kissing on the lips." - Dallas/Fort Worth area escort Amberlynne

This is why I had no idea they were that expensive, because I'm Mr. Mom. For the time.

A MONTH?! Fucking god. That's more than my rent.

Re: new dad, you will definitely get shit and vomit on you, but what I found most surprising is eventually not caring about it getting on me. On ME. I'm still aghast at the idea of shit getting on the carpet or the couch or whatever, but my hand? Whatever, stick my hand under the faucet, problem solved. I actively…

Oh fuck, the "BEHOLD THE WATERMELON" hand movement at 3:10. That's the funniest shit I've ever seen.

That is actually revolting.

He even does the weirdo fake-glance around the room while he's actually watching Jerry so he can try to high-five him at the right moment but then he does the a half-hug because he's a fucking weirdo move too. I bet he yelled at himself in the bathroom immediately afterward like Scotty in Boogie Nights.

The only controversial thing seems to be the glut of dumb "jokes" from ignorant children who have never traveled outside their parents' houses.

I'm Iranian and my wife is an Ashkenazi Jew. Our baby is almost a year old and will one day cure all the ills of mankind. Genuflect, show some respect, down on one knee.

More interestingly, why would anyone be made uncomfortable by that? It's a common refrain among practicing Muslims, of which there are quite a few in the world. If hearing that scares you, then maybe don't ever travel anywhere.

"Shaheen" is of Persian origin. NOT Arabic. Eh, but toss one of those checkered tablecloths on his head, it's close enough.

It'll hit her. In small waves, at night. She'll brush it off as "mourning."

Wait....ignoring everything else you said, why exactly can't any movie other than something from Pixar or Disney (Pixar movies ARE Disney movies but whatevs) have a story where a son loses a mom? What a weird thing to say.

I know. My post was sarcastic.

None of that is in this article. And TRANSLATE? You must be joking, I'm a busy man.

According to a report from Dominican newspaper El Caribe, Cubs shortstop Starlin Castro has been arrested after a nightclub shooting that left six people injured. Castro's arrest comes three weeks after his agent said he had been cleared of involvement in a previous Dominican nightclub shooting.

You also totally missed my point.

Also, surely you can go a day without going to the art gallery, right?