He the most ordinary looking British man. Albeit a clever and talented one. No disrespect to our John here but men in the UK look like him all the time. You lot seriously seem to love him. I don't even pretend to understand it at all. Or that it matters just that ... you should come here. You will not be…

like how do you not watch a penis video

Dan Savage recommends just narrating the action in your sex voice. Like, "Oh yeah I love it when you [do whatever thing it is you're doing to me right now]," or, "Do you want to [do whatever thing that was probably coming next anyway]." Also, "Your cock is beautiful and shines like a thousand suns."

You may not open the door to the room where I keep the taxidermied bodies of my previous partners

Completely nailed it in the second paragraph.

Maybe it's too sexy and distracting to the girls?

It's a good thing kindergarteners aren't impressionable, or anything. I would hate for a kid to have negative associations with school or the institution of learning because of something that had literally nothing to do with his intellect or aptitude.

(Poor little guy. I hope someone gave him the, "Sometimes people are…

What were the sics for? I didn't notice any errors except ridiculousness.

It's awesome to see people - especially those in the public eye - reflect on past mistakes and say "Shit, I fucked up but I will do better in future". But it always makes me sad to see men realise women have worth only in relation to their own daughters. If he had only had sons would he have had this epiphany?

I promise not to write an excel spreadsheet of all the times you didn't give me the sexin' I want and send it to your work email.

The consistency with which we constantly undermine the capacity for this family of women to achieve even moderately intelligent or creative thought has really begun to chafe me.

Years ago, some kids in my neighborhood, a brother and sister, were playing hide and seek. They were about 8 and 9 years old. I was sitting outside with the kids' mom and some other neighbors as the brother came running by us, telling his mom not to tell his sister where he hid (behind a tree a few feet away). A…

On the one hand, I agree that it's nice to think he put some thought into his tweet.

I want to make a snarky, sarcastic (snarkastic) remark re: Khlench Montashian, but I like her so much that really all I want is for her to find a nice, stable, good relationship.

Frankly, I'm impressed that Bieber wrote "We should have learned from Princess Diana," rather than, "We should of learned..." Who knew he was somewhat literate?

A guy named French Montana wasn't legit?

I've got to hand it to her, when I try stuff like that on I look in the mirror and tear it immediately off in embarrassment. I love it because she has the ego and confidence to wear it on the red carpet. I could use more of that fuck 'em tude.

She's gorgeous.

Weirdly, I don't hate it. I don't totally get it, but I don't hate it. She looks good in pretty much anything, though.

Ugh. Let's not and say we did.