I wouldn’t be surprised if it were a health/biology thing. Since I don’t eat meat I try to eat lots of dark greens (spinach, kale, etc.) and cook on cast iron frequently. (I also eat LOTS of eggs for protein. I know there is some specific vegetarian-type name for that, but whatever.) When I get lazy and don’t do those…

That’s OK, I think I’ve accidentally eaten tofu once while drunk.

Kebabs are delicious and should be at the top of drunk food lists in the US, too.

“It’s just one. It barely counts.”

I mean, I imagine it’s the same reason I smoke cigarettes when I’m drunk.

And the ex-smokers all nod understandingly...

Well, if action movies have taught me anything, it’s the value of a human shield.

He says that and then shoves people towards the gunman.

Also the most believable thing he’s ever said. And the most relatable.

Ugh do you think he said that to the gunman in that slow, plodding monotone that he uses for every other occasion?

“Guy comes in, put the gun in my ribs. And I just said, ‘I believe that you want the guy behind the counter.’”

I assume the Ben Carson solution would have been for all the cheerleaders to send him nudes at once...

Jesus kid get your nudes from the internet like the rest of us.

Oh my GAWD what a condescending twat this guy is. Video of the actual moment:

Yeah, John...

Yep. Cute in theory, infuriating and ultimately consigned to the back of the underwear drawer in practice.

This looks to me like a day spent pulling my skivvies out of my bum crack.

all in favor of never saying “panties” again say aye.

as someone raised LDS and who narrowly averted Scientology thru a lucky break, you bet there’s parallels.

I hope it wins ALL the Oscars. Change the rules and let it sweep all the categories. Sorry, Matt Damon. Your Martian Oscar goes to this now. Better luck next year!