My Entire Father’s Day Wish List, Ranked:

Shirt-blindness is a side-effect of paternity

It’s all a la carte’.

I have a 5 year old and I can’t imagine him knowing what to do. Five year old’s are little more than babies. You can’t let them bathe alone. I just can’t stop tearing up at this.

Well, this was the ’80s. I think “Savaged by Weasels” was an actual hairstyle at one point.

It must’ve been four or five years ago but I’ll NEVER forget someone on Gawker (Rich Lawson maybe?) calling her a lemon scented floor mop. I think of it every time I see her.

“Chandler: Because we love kids. Love them to death. Well, not actually to death. That’s just a figure of speech. We love kids the appropriate amount... as allowed by law.”

This! I have a friend I’ve know forever whose father is from Pakistan, and her mother is Italian. She has olive skin, and long black hair, and she gets asked CONSTANTLY “what she is.” And if she says any variation of “white,” “caucasian,” or “American,” they demand to know what her “parents are.”

If “being a slave” is the only litmus test, given world history, EVERYONE is black. EVERYONE. Right now there are 2.9 million Chinese slaves in the world. So, using your logic, the Chinese are now black.

You do realize that the southern United States is not the only example of slavery in the history of the world, right?

“Here’s the only litmus test to being black: Would you have been a slave? Okay, then. Welcome”

I don’t know but I’m willing to take one for the team and find out. You know, for science reasons and stuff.

Unisex uniforms. Period. It is absurd we don’t do that for every school.

#distractingly sexy

Also appropriate for shorts:

For real. I feel conflicted between my personal ambivalence to whether or not to have children someday and feeling like I have to have 3 children. This isn’t family pressure at all, but a feeling like I must do my part to create the next generation of Jews.

I was all set to go on a birthright trip with a friend of mine when suddenly, they called me and said they didn’t think I was “really” Jewish, and I needed a letter from a rabbi who has known me my whole life to verify that I was. Problem here is I grew up in a small town where the entire Jewish population was me and…

Enjoy your racial purity

Dearest Asshole,

Adeelson has made it clear that baby-making is a big of it. There’s a (somewhat founded) fear in the Zionist community that mixed marriages between Jews and non-Jews will erode Jewish identity and American support for Israel int he coming generations. Making birthright trips summer camp 2.0 is their way of combating…