I also lack a white penis to casually put inside black women. WHAT DO I DO?!

One time I fell while hiking in the woods. I wondered...did anyone hear me?

"You never hear about blogs anymore" got 80 favorites. 80! I'm sure that's the only reason it was included here, and it's lame.

The very first thing out of my mouth this morning was "Goddammit, white people," so I appreciate your gif very much.

I can't tell if you're joking in response to my joke. Damn this inability to discern sarcasm without visual cues!

Next up, the government will finally update average family sizes and drop that .5. WHO IS THIS HALF PERSON IN ALL THESE FAMILIES.

I can see it now.

Love is dead forever...again!

I imagine him beginning to go at it with vigor only to have her naked body flash in his mind leaving him sitting on the toilet like Sad Keanu.

Exceptions based on news-worthiness of the photos? Well then, People Magazine will simply change the definition of news-worthy so that they can continue showing fascinating pictures of celebrity children crossing the street or getting out of a car.

Me too. I think we should hug.

Oh goddammit, Adam Baldwin.

I...did! Yeah. Totally.

I must be conditioned to Current Beyonce, because I don't remember any of those breaks. I've been Beyonce-tized!

I'm glad. :D

Oh no! The Internet blooger press might totally fall in love with another young woman in her absence! See, this is why Beyonce never takes any time off. She doesn't want to lose her place in the Love Queue.

My husband isn't a very good cleaner, but he tries. I do most of it my way which isn't always aggravating but sometimes I get a short fuse with him. Still, he's a good man and I can accept the bulk of the cleaning in exchange for having him in my life. At the end of the day it helps if I pick up after myself, too.

One of my Barbies had a laboratory accident (arm chewed by a cat) and she became a super villain and spent all of her time flying around trying to break up my other Barbie (an archeologist) and Malibu Ken.

Anne Hathaway will never be as slick as Tilda Swinton. NEVER. Anne simply wears clothes. Tilda owns them.

Beyonce also didn't go outside in subzero temperatures to shovel the sidewalk because you tweaked your back while working out the night before.