Bearpocalypse. Bearnami. Or, my favorite: Sinkhole Full Of Bears!

Celebrity twitter feuds are so boring, and this one smells as bad as a four-day-old Lady Gaga meat suit.

"Everything was dandylions!"

I eventually joined the Stepford Society and I've been straining at its confinements ever since. Right now all I want to do is set my front lawn on fire.

So some of that anyone with eyes should notice. The rest...if someone buys that place without an inspect then they get what they deserve. Sorry you can't afford to live somewhere better. That sounds horrible.

We weren't able to get a mortgage for our house without an inspection, so you don't necessarily have to say anything. But you can't sabotage your current landlord into not selling their own property just because you don't want to buy it yourself or eventually have to move. If there's so much wrong with it and you hate…

Is that new though? Because it sounds really familiar, like one of the accusations Dodi's father made years ago. I thought he's long maintained that they were taken out by the British government because of their relationship and wanted to get married.

Eating potato chips while reading all of this feels like a giant "fuck you" to The Industry. Now I fear they're going to come for me and make my death look like an accident.

Doesn't she already have a nanny?

I have no interest in breasts. I'd prefer to see less of them, because not only are they everywhere I look, but I live with a pair. I don't see the big deal about them. But a man's body? Yes please. I'm 110% heterosexual, I guess.

Forget tumblr. I don't know why Kanye hasn't started his own fashion/music magazine. Then he could control all the content and communicate whatever messages he complains other magazines keep getting wrong. It seems like a no-brainer.

"Grandma, I want to sing you a song. No, wait...where are you going? I want to sing you a song. Don't shut the door...grandma, come on! Grandma, grandma grandma Oooooohhhh!"

That must be it. Australian.

Whatever attraction I had for Leo was murdered by that link. My attraction to Chris Hemsworth, however, has gained another boost.

I'm all for signs, but if she bought the bag BEFORE he died, then doesn't that make the potato just a coincidence? The potato was already in her possession, she just didn't notice it.

It was more than just the t-shirt, too. I remember hearing Julia tell Vera to "give up" and "you already lost" on tv. Reporters would walk up to her and she'd actually take the opportunity to shout out to Vera that her husband was done stole, so she should eff off and die already. (those last words are mine, but it…

BABY PASTIES!

Here's what I don't get. We have lingerie billboards with tiny pieces of fabric covering the nipples. We have the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue where right on the cover tiny pieces of fabric cover the nipples. We have beaches and pools where women's nipples are covered by tiny pieces of fabric. Otherwise, boob…

Looking back on it today...it was poorly written. I can do much better than that.

I meant the constant near-daily updates about Aniston's uterus. I'm not snarking on her decisions, I'm snarking on the media's constant need to update us on what might or might not be happening in Aniston's uterus. THAT'S what's boring and unnecessary.