I don't defend this creepy, selfish site in the least, but let's be honest: if this was in a rom-com, girls might eat it up. In other words, I sometimes feel for the mixed messages dudes get about romantic gestures. Not to the point of excusing this shit though.

Reminds me of the Popeye movie...

YOU BETTA WERK, SHONDA.

What reasonable term could we use to replace it with?

This is like some bullshit Mr. Krabs would pull.

In my personal experience, people who order "artisanal anything" tend to be pretentious douchehats Blake Lively.

Nobody made Ice Cube.

Let me get this straight. I pay an extra dollar so you can put something in my cocktail that I can't taste?

lolwtf, nice try, loser. I can't be bought.

If it's any consolation, I've always hated Mayomore

A childhood friend of mine used to consume mass quanities of Surge at room temperature. The last I heard of him, he was fired from a Just Brakes for masturbating in a customers car - for the second time.

Will drinking surge increase the inherent powers of my 3 wolf moon shirt?

america: 51st in life expectancy, 1st in trolling.

Just to piss you all off.

Be born female and not white?

Civil ceremony for the win! We had sex when we got home from the county clerks office. :) I have never understood the need for a big, fancy ceremony. I love him, he loves me, I'd rather spend that money on something that lasts for more than a day and that doesn't stress me the fuck out.

I'm a man, let me take a crack at this. You should be:

We don't need to ask. They'll be here in a few minutes to tell us.

wait... did you just say that the fattest nation in the world is working out too much? Only Jezebel.