The Obama administration has announced that Susan E. Morrison will be the White House's next Executive Pastry Chef. Morrison will be the first woman ever appointed to the post, which means she's broken the fondant ceiling. Good riddance. Fondant is fucking gross, anyway.

Are we really going to have to put up with these articles until spring 2015? Jesus.

it's going to be really sad for you when they're back in the finals by 2019. i'm sorry little buddy.

"But it went way too far, and it wasn't very clear that it was a joke, that it was fabricated. If you read it, you might think that it was actually Tiger talking. The whole thing is completely ridiculous."

So ... politicians ... AMIRITE!?!

Looking at those women, one thing's clear: Sanders isn't Muslim.

8. Stanford. At some point, we'll have to put Stanford at the top of this list, because they spawn the world's supply of Glassholes and Hooli executives.

Aww! Look at him! He's trying to drink out of a bottle that isn't there! And now he's pretending like he's actually coaching a team! And now he's got his keys and he's ready to- No, Mr. La Russa!!!

I approve of this headline.

Want GIFs of every goal scored at the 1966 World Cup? You didn't know you did, but you do.

Yes. I did know that.

If that headline were true, I'd imagine Sam, Jr. would be looking for his Dad, then.

This reminds me of something my dad would tell me whenever I was feeling blue: "Son, you'll never amount to anything on account of your tiny-ass balls."

Feeling so vindicated I stopped with Downton right now. If I wanted frigid and cold relationships, I'd just live my own life. [BA DUM CHA]