Note to MM: Get better people that actually relay ALL of your messages, not just the ones they think are important.

“What kind of things do you like me to do with you body?” Jeb said as I looked over the contract. “Do you like it when I keep it from healthcare?” Oh my. My inner goddess screams YES but I blush.

1) The “this far” to which you refer is the very first contest of the entire process. If you’re going to run at all, you might as well stick it out through Iowa.

And a hearty “see you later, alligator” to music critic, cookbook author, and honorary Duggar Mike Huckabee. (Sorry, I thought changing the subject in O’Malley’s goodbye article would be a fitting tribute to O’Malley.)

no one gives a s**t until someone gives a s**t

Thank you Hillary. This is a story that makes me smile because the badass women are getting shit done. And makes me furious that it has taken badass women who can get shit done, to get shit done because all the fucking men who run shit found a way to get all the weed smokers in jail but not the fucking rapists.

I am going to watch it through my fingers, I just know it.

I love how white men that claim to live in fear of ‘government tyranny’ and believe that it is righteous to rebel against it are the first ones to insist that all black people should strictly obey every police officer like a submissive dog.

No but guys! This is important. If my marriage license hadn’t specified “bride” and “groom” how would we have known which is which?

Trains, you say?

I just want Andrew Fucking Jackson off the twenny. I mean, I know, genocidal psychos need representation too, but seriously, fuck that dude.

“When Michelle and I came into office....”

lolol this looks like she has bert eyebrows

I fully support your motivation for this statement, but I don’t think it’s logical to criticize Hollywood for failing to find (or even attempt to find) a pre-transition teenaged trans man who is also a seasoned and skilled actor. That isn’t to say they do not exist, but that their numbers may be few.

Would you rather fight one horse sized duck or get knocked out by Ronda Rousey in 5 seconds?

Oh, FFS. This whole bag check thing wouldn’t have anything to do with Delta Sigma Theta being a historically black sorority, would it? Naah!

Here is the number #1 (no pun intended) rule of etiquette for multi-stall bathrooms: If you are done with your business and the other door that was shut when you got there is still shut, someone is holding onto their poop for dear life, praying that you will hurry up and leave. Please move along. Hopefully someone…

I think we have enough of these now to do March Madness bracket. Please.