I hate them, and I want his stupid beard to fall out.

The point of stories like this is to never, ever, ever share them.

You felt wrong. And “I’m sorry you feel that way” is the most weaselly non-apology apology invented, and Gawker has rightfully called out other people for using it.

Your girlfriend sounds equally horrible, and I’m glad you’ve found each other instead of burdening other people.

Oh, go to hell.

Yes, let’s not be snarky and mean to misogynistic woman-beaters.

Well, some of them can.

That Chris Evans article talks about Cap reconnecting with Bucky and potentially losing his virginity, and I think they could really just kill two birds with one stone here.

Cats are delightful, Mark. Get one immediately. You’ll discover that even (or especially) at their most assholiest, they will bring you constant delight.

Thank God. I was worried Apple Watch owners wouldn’t be insufferable enough, but the addition of wedding apps should fix that.

Can’t wait to see shitass move his/her mom into a nursing home that proclaims they hate seniors.

It took Kim longer than I thought it would to make Bruce Jenner’s transition all about her. She must be growing as a person.

But isn’t Dragon Ball objectively terrible and not good?

This isn’t someone “venting.” This is someone who hasn’t even started working there already going into the job with an expressed hatred of children. I hate kids too, but I also don’t apply for jobs in daycare.

I wish you’d realized that you didn’t have anything to add to the conversation before you hit “Reply.”

Never have face and naughty bits in the frame at the same time. How hard is that for people to remember? CONSTANT VIGILANCE. And PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.

“...we were there to buy a speaker, my partner doesn’t just punish me by taking me to lectures about Tidal — while I tested how fast I could spin on one of the store’s special listening chairs, even though I am allegedly an adult.”

Stop being charming. I won’t have it. >:(

Whose time is so valuable that they need to shave precious seconds off their self-checkout swiping?

“And the Lord spake, ‘Verily, verily I say unto thee, fucketh those people who starveth the world over, and who perisheth in disasters, for this chick doth deserveth a precious miracle.’”

You don’t actually know what a “hot take” is, do you?