definitely, but not about family law. I know my shit in that arena.

Contracts for surrogacy usually include termination rights.

Oh, I see... because making the decision to freeze your eggs in order have babies with a person in the future and then having them purposely choose to inseminate the eggs by engaging an outside party at a later date in order to punish you for breaking up with them is totally the same as a condom breaking during a…

*KRAAAAAANK* Wrong answer, try again!

All I can say is I had better get a goddamn hover board before all these artificial wombs become available to the general public, or I will be pretty darn steamed with the future!

Artificial wombs? Pfft! Total cop out. Just implant those precious snowflake babies right in their dicks. There’s a convenient little hole already there. Then they can gestate and give birth. They need to have some skin in the game before they get veto power.

We should go back to deciding these kinds of things by goat entrails or the ramblings of an oracle.

By his logic, I can just void his birth certificate and get him kicked out of the country, right? Because who cares if they determined on paper that he was born here, why should that determine whether or not he gets to stay?

Artificial wombs are on the horizon?

I once didn’t poop for like three days on a camping trip, so I’m pretty sure I’m a gastroenterologist.

Shorter: who needs the rule of law?

I can’t even with your comment. So I’ll just say, I hope you didn’t sprain your knee jerking it.

This. Jeb Bush tried to get a Miami Herald reporter to lay off Noelle Bush after her drug arrest.

We’ll probably expand it when we run out of sons (or in special circumstances). There are a lot of Loser Sons out there.

Ugh, this man is gross.

Don’t eat those: they’re dog treats!!

What the fuck goes on at Boy Scout camps

I thought he was 50 times hotter than that wuss Andrew McCarthy. He sucked. Team James Spader and his pastel linen school blazer.

Self-loathing makes it even hotter.

So nonchalantly mean and hot. 10/10 would do, even if I hated myself for it.