best goddamned book in the universe, says my 12-year-old self.

I read every VC Andrews book that was published up until the mid-90s or so (and I just looked at the VC Andrews Wikipedia page, and hot damn there have been a lot of series put out since then!) and My Sweet Audrina is the one that scarred me!

That shit was so messed up. Audrina gave me nightmares.

I don't think I could have dreamed of a more perfect cast for this.

"Is that Jennifer Lawrence? I heard she got a haircut... I don't know about it. I just don't know..."

J.Lo let Casper Smart participate?

Yes, I have a massive problem with evaluating any collection of human beings based how much they do or do not resemble a Crayola box. You hire people based on your needs and their experience, not on whether or not your keeping the social justice crowd happy. This idea that every time a group of people get together…

So what's the alternative? Hire white girls to twerk instead so we can hear about "muh appropriation"? Keep the black girls but put them in pantsuits standing defiantly in front of Lily? What the hell do you want? The article mentions them being silent while Lily speaks, well no shit, it's her music video, what…

Well, I know what I'm doing tomorrow.

When I lived in London, I'd buy a bag of fortune cookies in Chinatown and call that lunch. Healthy.

A Randroid who makes cultish yoga pants with ridiculous price tags.

True story:

"Food Poisoning". Ha. The kids sure have funny names for syphilis nowadays.

*sniffle* Who's peeling onions... ?

Yeah, but if I don't catch a whiff of truffle on that fucking thing then NO SALE.

Tiny Vulvas = good band name.

OH, I think we all know why she kept calling him Beast...wink wink, nudge nudge, dirty grin.

I love that this article culminated in a Mighty Boosh link.

They're viewed as a terrorist org because they are a terrorist org.

This is great, I actually won the Showcase Showdown in 1997. I kissed Bob Barker and won trips to Moscow, Auckland and Venice *we only went to Venice* I followed the same formula, overly enthusiastic without being annoying, interesting custom-made shirt, and highly knowledgeable of the show and prices. Here's a super…