Woah woah woah. Wait. In orthodox Judaism there's an orgasm quota? Do you have to keep track on a spreadsheet? Does the rabbi call you into HR when you fall behind? I'm terms of work flow, does this come before or after the TPS report?

Remember, marriage is a sacred bond, ordained by God, between one man and one woman that lasts until death. That's why we need the government to come in and tell us how it works, first amendment be damned!

Well yeah, if they start mentioning it then no one will read the next "Robin Thicke does blank" headline! Step up your gossip game my girl!

No, thank you for telling us the reason people remove body hair. I'm glad you've been able to delve into everyone's minds to divine the truth. Hopefully you'll be around to tell us what we think next time an issue like this comes up.

Hey you get older, medical issues may crop up in the area requiring you going shear, maybe you decide you like it. Maybe you try it yourself at home. Maybe your motor skills aren't as fine as they used to be. Maybe everything is a like...saggier. Next thing you know, slip!

No, a person removing their public hair does not make them look like a child. You are objectively wrong.

I am, actually. Mildly inconveniencing people online it's how I get my kicks.

I was making a joke, I promise!

Umm I think you mean mousse? Haha you misspelled a word on the internet how do you live with yourself?!?!?1?1

It's sad that we supporters of the LGBTQ community have been forced to fight off rediculous claims of how being molested or not having a father will "turn someone gay" for so long that we automatically dismiss legitimate scientific inquiry into human sexuality as trollish.

But only if the mousse is strangely chalky.

How about I just let you pick whichever one will make you feel best about yourself.

Also: "A depiction of me" — depiction. That word choice is telling, and it's also the problem.

I have actually, thanks. I didn't say it was impossible.

Oh good one, but I don't know if it sufficiently captures the circus like atmosphere he carries about him.

Oh I agree, 100%.

It's ok, I don't blame you at all. Basically, the joke is a lot of his writing makes the same "don't spend money on stupid shit, spend it on charity" argument you did.

I prefer to call it the Rob Ford Spectacle. It sounds fun that way.