You are doing God’s work and she thanks you.

I am loving this show, especially Jude Law’s fine ass and non-flighty Diane Keaton.

Well, fuck, she’d be the least offensive person of anyone he’s nominated for anything thus far.

I’ve watched it twice. It is not a good movie; but if you don’t take it seriously, cuz lordy knows it’s not a serious movie, it’s fun.

I don’t care what anyone says, I’d bang Ben Assflick like a drum.

I would take 2 terms of President McCain over 1 month of President Asshole.

I’d like one in tartan.

Fucking fuck. These barely-literate replies make me more depressed than ever.

I’m more worried about Bella Thorne’s feet in those shoes than her legs.

When’s the last time you shaved your legs tho? I shaved mine about 2 weeks ago.

My brother went on a date with Anderson Cooper and reported that he was insufferable, so maybe Andy Cohen isn’t missing much.

I thought that was Leah Remini in the top pic, tbh.

I will never forgive her for that shit performance in Silver Linings. She was atrocious.

I AM NOT AFRAID.

I love your mom.

Every month I feel deep respect and gratitude for my IUD and modern hygiene products.

As long as we don’t call him “President,” I don’t care what we call him.

Michael Douglas: “Going down on my wife gave me cancer! Val Kilmer has cancer! Reading stuff on the internet causes eyeball cancer!”

THERE’S A PORTRAIT OF 4-FOOT-TALL BARBARA BUSH HANGING ON THE WALL YOUZ GUYZ!!!!

I apologize for ruining your life, but I have met Mrs. Bush. I am 5'9" and she is not as tall as I am, but she is definitely at least 5' tall. Siri is misleading you, girl!