Jesus Christ. I need to get to the gym.

My heart goes out to him.

4. Has Ben Affleck ever met an autistic person?

You don’t. Daddy buys your way through.

The only time he is telling the truth is when he talks about Ivanka. Hide your ears when he does tho...

Not sure what shower girl did, but middle two did nothing but shriek. Downstairs, you the real MVP.

He also referred to his wife as “high quality.” Like a Trump Steak?

I’m quite certain Colin Kapernick has never said he’s oppressed. He’s fighting for those who are. Why is this a concept Republicans don’t get?

Now Flynn and his son can spend all their time on Pizzagate.

Don’t forget that Petraeus was actually convicted of doing what Hillary Clinton was merely accused of doing.

Dammit. I had a joke loaded and ready to go. However, I must bow to your greater one.

Rest in Pizza-Pizza

Nice interview, Hannah. One question, though: why are your boots so small?

The bear just confirmed that the cat is fucking dead.

You mean like Leonard Cohen and Neil Young? Those guys were not so bad.

I went over to Breitbart to see the comment section on this. (Never go to the comment section on Breitbart.)

I would go just so I could pull my hand back and slick back my hair right when Trump went to shake it. I’d be a hero to all the other secret detainees in Guantanamo.

Not to mention I’ve seen autograph hawks who will send kids up to get a signature for them.

Best way to shut down Gronk would be to cover him with a guy wearing 69. He wouldn’t be able to focus on the game. That’s just good strategy right there.

The Patriots led for exactly zero seconds in the Super Bowl, and yet they still won. That’s crazy.