This girl looks like she wants to send his jacket to that place in France to have them make it into Zaynfume.

...which would be illegal to ask in hiring in the USA.

Coming from a news/gossip blog?

“we’re trying to have a goddam society here” — I love this so much.

Forget the ridiculous third reason for a moment. Why do there seem to be so many otherwise intelligent people who don’t seem to understand that the vast majority of the time it’s not appropriate to act on your sexual impulses? Literally everyday of the week I work with and walk by women that I am attracted to,…

My mom’s wiener dog Mitzy lived to be 17. Close to the end she wasn’t cute anymore, she was always sick and couldn’t play, but my mom loved her so much she refused to put her down even though it’s what would have been best for both of them. And when she did finally die my mom was inconsolable.

I am taking this harder than the divorce of my own parents.

See, that was the thing. It was just supposed to be one last job. Just one. Enough to hit that big final score and then retire to sunny beaches where the cute girls brought you fruity drinks with too many umbrellas sticking out of them.

Two hobbits were seen leaving the scene of the crime, headed to the closest volcano.

Nope. Best practices for suicide reporting recommend not using “committed,” which sounds like a crime or, to religious communities, like a sin, and “kill yourself” is just insensitive, crude, and poorly phrased. “Died by suicide” is the phrasing recommended by mental health professionals and the American Foundation…

If I had a nickel for every time I accidentally stabbed someone … I would have no nickels.

I always die laughing when there's a cut scene and roach is just running around in the background like a dipshit

Pretty sure I’ve seen this guy in FF15.

3rd Coast is the best coast. Great Lakes 4 Lyf Son! Unsalted and shark free is the way to be!

Okay, let’s clear some stuff up.

I think this could only make sense if you were high. So congratulations, you’re sober?

You guys, I do not at all like Mariah Carey and never have, but even I am well aware that she has A RACK. This whole area is boob. It is not actually possible for that small dark patch to be any part of an areola. If she had a nipple located like one inch from her cleavage line, we would’ve known about it lonnnnnng…

Please, please, please keep your distance from bison.

Wow, considering how much you typed, I expected A LOT worse than that.

Well, you do have to forgive him for wanting to watch all that Baseball and Basketball. I mean, the Knicks, the Mets...he just likes hanging out with other folk that haven’t done anything worthwhile since 1973.