Aaron A. Aaronsen, welcome to Cleveland!

This is idiotic. Here is this poor fucker trying to enjoy a game and some grub. Now he's singled out on the Jumbo Tron with the KISS CAM, and the guy looks nothing like Gene Simmons.

Sorry, I missed your posts where you criticized Gawker's policy, or quit in protest, or did anythng other than draw a paycheck from the treasury of a company that derived its profits, in part, from unpaid labor.

Totally.

now I wanna go there

Oh I get it. He drinks grapefruit juice but also hits like huge home runs, which are like grapefruit pitches to him. LOL. Nice work.

Is there a word for when a player tries to take a charge, only the ballhandler never actually makes contact, yet the defender hits the floor anyway?

all circles and squares fitting neatly into their respective holes

The twister continued its rampage down to Houston, where, after a short delay, no one seemed to notice the Astros' outfielders had been replaced with 3 of Mr. Flannery's prized cows.

Indonesia has a lot in common with the Mets, they also give two days of paternity leave before the newborn has to return to work.

Agreed. You might bother the people in front of you in that packed baseball stadium. This is a Mets game, not a goddamn day at the beach. While you're at it, quit reading the program. They're not playing the game on paper, you fucking dipshit. They're playing it on the field. Also, wipe that stupid smile off your…

No wonder Chunks seems so satisfied with sixth place.

"Jerry, check out these newfangled stats. 'Wins Above Replacement?' The fuck does that even mean? I mean, it even sounds ridiculous... 'wuh-inz?' What is that?"

"I gotta tell ya Marty, I am thrilled that we went halfsies on that crate of forehead wax."

Sadly, it's not the first time a pierogi race has been disrupted some extended runs.

Looks more like "The Vending Machine" these days.

Who writes like that?

How I Settled For Your Mother, Who Thankfully Died and I Winded Up Getting With the Chick I Wanted in the First Place. But I Totally Love You Guys Though.

Well, well, well...I think we've learned that The Guy DOES Care after all.

Thank you for explaining that hitting a tack with a sledgehammer is unnecessary. Here I was just about to wind up and pushpin my monthly calendar of "Hollywood Hunks" to my cube wall with a 25 lb sledge.