This is the only possible correct answer (and I’m in the same boat as HighlySelassie).

I’m going to blame your take on the “death of the hot take” article the other day.

My first thought:

I’m sure the tide will turn back eventually.

Wow, I’d never heard of Vineyard Vines before - holy douchenozzle!

GRONKPORN? I can’t even...

Oh come on, if you’ve spent any time in a wind-orchestra-thingy, the answer is easy:

Well that certainly was more to-the-point than usual. Fitting, though, considering this fuckstick never really mattered anyway.

Now that’s some pedantry I can get behind!

+1 Wilhelm Scream

We have a lot of cats, and when it comes to hugging them, my desire to do so is directly proportional to their annoyance at my doing it. (I’ve also been known to nibble on their feet.) Except for our “former feral” - she’ll fuck your shit up:

Half of the Braves’ roster this year is “let’s remember some guys”. The other half is “who the fuck are these guys???”

You would think this the incredibly obvious step but, well, here we are.

It’s easy!

In fairness, ducks don’t have sphincters...

So, wait, he’s pining at length of the travails of the moderately wealthy who have to deal with the unwashed masses while enjoying symbols of conspicuous consumption? How has the NY Times style section not yet hired him???

Even as a Blackhawks fan, I love this.

Counter-counterpoint: a Venn-diagram of “former athlete who knows football” and “is a cunt” would be close to circular.

Dear God, if you sincerely believe that Nantz and Sims are “good” imma have to track you down and throat-punch you.

I personally would be happy if there were no post-game press conferences again, anywhere, ever - primarily so ESPN wouldn’t feel the need to cover them (holy shit I’d rather put out my own eyes with sporks than watch that boring-ass, pointless shit).