Six weeks of leave for dads is pretty generous. My last job offered a “new job incentive” program.

Snyder....Party of two...You’re table is ready

It’s easy to focus on the negative here, but I’ve found a couple of positives:

We should be focusing on the most important part of this story: McGee. Congrats to Rick Pitino for graduating one of his players, you don’t see that in Lexington.

I’m sure, as a Republican politican, Jeff Flake has also been an asshole at some point about something...but god damn, he deserves praise on calling out this waste of money.

Geez. I hope he’s not living hand to mouth

On the bright side, even with the broken collarbone, Romo is still expected to gain more rushing yards from the sideline than the entire Eagles’ offense.

Pimento Cheese—too white, or does everyone love delicious pimento cheese?

That shithead’s haircut is the most enraging thing about this story.

This is going to be devastating news for his family when they sober up in 3 days.

Being hit by a bus is far less cruel than watching Bills games for the last 15 years.

Belichick first explained away the headset malfunctions by calling it a “pretty common” glitch,

Listen just because we’re horrible doesn’t ALSO mean we’re not the victim of a vast ESPN/NFL conspiracy.

Ban all guns. Make them illegal to posses. Getting caught with one is an automatic jail sentence. This nonsense has gone on for too long. This amendment was authored by people who were okay with slavery. It does not, and should not, translate to 2015 America

I think Lee Majors is a bit old to be taking the heat for these guys.

and yet... totally a thing that happens in at least three marriages that I know of! Millenials ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

From your friend? ;-)

3. Megyn Kelly is leaving to finally have the Y in her first name removed and replaced with an A.

This is the first time a Jets player has been publicly cold-cocked since Brett Favre sent that picture to Jenn Sterger from the team’s ice-bath.

To that end, Jason Whitlock will now be entirely focused on what he does best