In his defense, he was told that, after the season, there’s a chance he could go back to the minors.

Rats being filed to “BEEF” is also an Arby’s specialty.

But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would release a real video or a fake? Now, a clever man would release a fake video, because he would know that only a great fool would download what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose…

“6-beers? You talking about pre-tailgating?”

I kinda (begrudgingly) like this. It is super corny and sounds kind of like George Michael but I’m alright with that. I think there has to be a space for music that is over the top, kind of stupid and very fun.

I’m still hung up on Cecil Otter for song of the year (Because I’m SUPER cool).

NFL: We are working closely with law enforcement to determine if the sudden deaths of Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees are connected.

“The Washington Redskins are on indefinite hiatus until they change the name of the team.”

I’m still getting reply-alls from the CBS NCAA Deadspin tourney. This was a week ago.

“Aggressively white” is definitely a phrase I am glad to have in my life now.

I would have Scott Norwood make that wide right Super Bowl field goal. It wouldn’t matter if the Bills lost the next Super Bowls, fell victim to the Music City Miracle, and missed the playoffs for the past 11 years—beating the Giants on a last second field goal would have made all of that palatable.

This is in contrast to joining the Angels, where you get three texts asking if you know where Josh Hamilton is.

Hernandez 6/17/13 (11:35:01 P.M.): I think I messed up bad, coach. What do I say when the media starts asking the tough questions?