Goddammit, now I have to fortify my uranium refining centrifuge plant. Mondays are the fucking worst.

Honestly, Rihanna bossing around Leonardo DiCaprio and finding him subpar is basically every sex dream I have ever had.

So what you're saying is that Kim K did not agree to this photoshoot, and in fact she was coerced by white dudes to take photographs in this manner? She in no way was fulfilling ambition or calculating to acquire more publicity or minting herself into an icon?

You didn't bother to read before commenting. You're a fool. I'm not going to explain to you why you're wrong, when if you simply read the article, you would know.

Bubba 20 oz HT mug

Bubba 20 oz HT mug

Everyone I know who has ever met Jon Hamm (which, to be fair, is about 3 people) say he is the nicest dude. NOTE: THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO TELL ME ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE THAT HE IS NOT NICE, HE IS PERFECT, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE OTHERWISE

What the hell is this, the Cat Channel? Dog people demand equal time. SHOW US THE PUPPIES.

Good 'ole southern parenting- 'Shake off that old molestation, Anna, Mama's bringing Marky back home, she's gotta get her groove on too!' This is entirely consistent with what I expect out of rural Georgia.

you can still file a complaint about the event. Won't go anywhere but at least it's on file.

I'm torn, because on the one hand, ehhh I'm not going to be too judgy about someone doing some drugs.

The military does not fuck around when it comes to drug offenses. I wish they would have the stones to apply a similar zero tolerance policy when it comes to sexual assault.

I don't believe this for a second. A guy named Hunter who runs an investment firm would never do coke.

Attention bad tippers: Paris Hilton is now a better person than you are. BOOM.

This is sweet little old lady for "Go fuck yourselves, smug internet pricks" and it is awesome.

Blimey, this is 30 years ago now but I remember going on a date to a posh West End restaurant with a boy who grew up on typical English fare, who was convinced that mange tout was a veggie mix where you get to 'eat everything'. Would he listen to me when I told him what it was? Pfft!

Nasim Pedrad is leaving to co-star in the eagerly anticipated "Mulaney."

We did it this way:

You could try "You are cordially invited to the wedding of
McCoy's Mistress

As a tentacle monster, I loled.

As a dog, I find this absolutely absurd.