You might think this would be a big deal for the NFL, but I just asked my friends and 90% of them wouldn’t care if their medical records were stolen so it’s probably ok.

That dog probably takes more walks than any other dog in history.

You may take my short-term memory, but you’ll never take my short-term memory.

Where the fuck is Randy Johnson?! SAVE US, RANDY!

Please please please let all the entrances actually lead to moving vans headed for the coast to deposit them on pilotless garbage barges.

He got up. And knocked the linesman down.

I remember the first time I felt the jealousy as I rounded the bases. Glorious.

The woman recording says the Pats fan is still in the overturned box of filth

Like I'm going to listen to the opinion of someone who goes to the airport to watch a movie.

Fuck that. This was the best thing that ever happened to this kid, and he was in no way ‘damaged’ to the point of 15 million dollars.

He’s getting free college... How much are left on your student loans?

Jesus, man.

Speed hole. For speed.

Joke’s on you, John Brown—my girlfriend is also a fantasy!

Greg Hardy, who was suspended after being accused of violently abusing his then-girlfriend.

Scully: Aww, he smiled at me!

“No, that’s OK...I’ll hand-deliver these painkillers to ‘em. Least I can do.”

Wow. That escalated not quickly.