There are 3 rules that make this a penalty:

Mark Sanchez feels this way about women.

Hey, look, all I know is that between the McDonalds and Burger King in my town, Burger King burgers only give me regret, while McDonalds burgers give me regret, plus green (possibly radioactive) spiky deathshits for the rest of the day. If I need to start paying for my whoppers in beaver skins or Euros or whatever…

Interviewer: In your opinion, do recent advances in sports science help prevent injury?

This is totally fake. If she was really in Australia, she'd have spun the other way.

The woman was later charged with possession.

Wait, you didn't even mention that part where he talks about his mom, cause that was tear jerking

you just stab opposing fan as the leave your ballpark. I'll take Philly fans over the gang banging spics you have in your stands. Go shove a chalupa in your google port you granola sucking faggot

From what I've heard, you probably don't want DeSean Jackson around that many weapons.

No one mentioned this?

Man I wish they were made out of another type of material, so that way they could call them something else, and have that be accurate in what they are describing.

6000 dollar shoes.

The flaccid response from the male anchor using the iPad was appropriate.

I know you'll never be more popular than the Italian combo with that kind of attitude.

Electronics can hypothetically make Lil B a basketball player, but sure as hell can't make him a recording artist.

It actually looks like he grabs the back of the knee, hooking his fingers inside the tendons. If you've never had this done to you, I can tell you that it is not fun and you will likely fall from it.

Am I too late for a Lebron James joke?

He looks alright, but it's kind of depressing that he's still only able to speak gibberish.

Stab me once, shame on you.

Stab me twice, _________.