He also just won a big golf tournament.

what do you know about the cold, you hairy ass Yankees fan...

Zing and a miss

I guess I have a lot to ponder.  Thank you, seymourbutts69

‘earned his spot in the lineup entirely because of his defense, which is at least above average’

I go waaaaay back with The Onion, so I fondly remember headlines such as:

Hey man, why are you trying to steal Deadspin Hall of Famer Carl Monday’s job .

*Shoulda been you, Coach K.

You mean an AFC Championship game, right? Not winning the AFC.

Some of it may come back when his hospice nurse comes in to take the diapers off.

“He’ll spend the rest of this day at The Greybar Hotel,” he added. (Apparently, that’s slang for prison.)

You’re forgetting two other 16-bit players who have not retired: