I always read the Little Sisters books even though I hated how Karen explained how divorce worked during chapter two of every. single. book. WE GET IT. Your family is special.

the best, BEST reaction to my emergency c-section came from my best friend:

Ok sure, but when I have someone come in and check the lighting my husband's all "What are you doing, this is weird"

As a voter, here are the questions I am asking myself.

Was talking dirty to Mr. Hot on the phone late one night...and talking wasn't enough. Headed out for the 45 minute drive to his house. In a very dark area on a country road I hit a moose with my car. Totalled the car. When the state trooper arrived, he let me use his phone to call Mr. Hot, who came and picked me up,…

Through high school, I was weird by choice. I mean it. I didn't kiss any boys or go to any parties. I studied hard and slayed at obscure extra-curricular that got me ridiculed at school but won me week-long vacations to national conventions every summer. It was at one of these conventions where I met one of my best…

Clowns. My best story involves a lot of clowns.

I mean, I have other stories. Honorable mention goes to the time I had sex on the 5th floor of a hotel's glass-walled staircase in plain view of the street below because we couldn't afford to get a room in said hotel, and the time I swam out to the center of Walden Pond…

When I was 15 I used to steal my parents car in the middle of the night, drive 15 miles through LA to my girlfriend's apartment, where she would sneak up to the roof so as to avoid her ex naval officer father hearing us and subsequently murdering me, and have gross teenager sex until 6am. Then, because my girlfriend…

I want to win a pissing contest so, so badly, and doing ridiculous shit for sex might just be the one thing I deserve a gold medal at. I'll give extra stories to show my desperation:

He seems non ironic in his embrace of the Carleton Dance:

I married an Egyptian and ours was the worst ever.

When my daughter was four she asked what her "front butt" was called. And I told her that it was her labia. And she said, "LABIA?!!? THAT'S a STUPID name! I'm gunna call it HOT LAVA instead." After I died from trying to choke back the laughter, I reminded her we don't say stupid.

My parents called it puberty, but my grandmother called it the change. Then again, she came from a strict Croatian household where menstruation was considered dirty. She literally buried her dirty rags in the backyard so her mother wouldn't find out.

Jeez lady, just let it go.

Pheobe Gloeckner, a woman whose comic about her own sexual abuse was once confiscated as "child pornography" wrote an amazing, complicated and hard to read book based on her own diaries, expanded and fictionalized, called "Diary of a Teenage Girl."

A fan once told Gloeckner that she wished "Diary of a Teenage Girl"…

I'm pretty sure Mark just got a copy of the script for Death Proof 2 and mistook it for an actual news story. Meanwhile I'm going to go shut down my OKCupid profile for completely unrelated reasons.

*Stares at Mr. Ackles*

How in the hungover Hell has America gotten by all these years without Berocca?

'Scuse me.. just gonna leave this here..