"If you sleep too much you won't be able to sleep tonight."

When I was (ahem) between apartments for a while, I stayed in hotels (you may have seen them from the freeway, they have names like "Motel 9" and "Halliday Inn") that would have been less scary if there was some creep around taking pictures of me. At least then there'd be evidence.

People don't get bullied, beaten, killed or have their civil rights denied because they have tattoos. Get a new cause.

There is. But in Conchita's case, she identifies as a drag artist.

Let's not bother the little ladies with facts and figures, folks.

:(

USA! USA! USA!

So the fact that I was conceived at my parents' friend's house while they were drunk one Octoberfest means what about my DNA?

Sorry to be that person, but: it doesn't change the DNA, it changes how the DNA is methylated, which is a modification of how the DNA is structured (i.e. whether it's tightly wound or not). THAT changes gene expression. However, the underlying DNA sequence is not actually changed. :)

To be fair, the majority of shoppers at Hobby Lobby are women and I doubt they're majority Democrats...

NOOOOO YOU MADE HIM THIS WAY. YOU HAVE TO KEEP HIM.

I have always felt that the problem with eulogies is that the dead have no opportunity for rebuttal.

I nominate this:

St. Peter: Jesus Christ, Right Hand of the Father, Blood of the Lamb, and Forgiver of Sins, I would like you to meet your biggest fan, Colton Burpo. He's been here before. But now he's here for good. *whispers* He and his parents were killed in a car crash.

*Jesus chokes on bong hit and spits fetid bongwater all over…

The second I read the title I knew people would be snorting it. I'm more interested in adding it to stuff! Like..uh...maybe frosting?

Are you saying that men try to avoid pissing women off during/because of PMS? Because if so you need to educate yourself on the phases of the menstrual cycle. The fertile period is ovulation, not menstruation.

She's Norwegian. Dark wells of emotional trauma are a cultural marker.

Somewhere, Lana Del Ray sense a disturbance in the force.

When I'm high, anything with food, but this Bell's whiskey ad got me good: