"That's what I love about football. It brings out passion. Can Roger Goodell see Alaska from his house?"

I am confident that many people liked it when he was not in Massachusetts.

If this was the way the law worked, Albert, I would have fined the gunners at my law school $3,000,000,000 for (a) hiding relevant sections of Dorsaneo's Texas Litigation Guide, (b) telling me, for the thousandth time, how they "ALMOST" went to Michigan undergrad on a debate (erm, FORENSICS) scholarship, and (c) being…

"The Jets" would have been sufficient for a headline, Barry.

"AMEN!!"

The "ingenuity" train only goes so far. It's one thing to defraud Walmart, have a self-satisfied laugh, and move on. It is another thing to tweet a picture of a receipt with the time, store information, receipt reference number, and partial CREDIT CARD information. Because no one would ever figure out how to link a…

Only Roger Goodell and the NFL - okay, maybe Sepp Blatter and FIFA, too - could almost make me feel as though it is unfairly treating an athlete who beat a four-year-old child. Emphasis on almost.

Sanchez in my favorite Deadspin Photoshop contest?! I hope more people appreciate just how funny this is.

+1

And people think concern trolls like you are uptight, humorless asshats.

+1

As if Duke alums aren't already smug enough ...

Dallas was never a good fit for him. He reminds more of the police officer than the Cowboy.

Because, you know, Appalachia.

Thanks for a refreshingly candid mea culpa, Craggs.

I commend you for taking the role of posting vanguard on this issue, knowing you were going to take it in the shorts from a commentariat that would take parenting advice from Magary. Poop jokes and fapping bumper license plates can be funny, but they aren't the foundation for disciplining children.

I'm with the Captain. Applebee's is shit.

+1. So good.

Okay, but is she suing Jerry the owner or Jerry the general manager?