Please, you're sitting there with your pants off eating a tub of frosting and watching kittens on YouTube. ADMIT YOUR LIFE IS A LIE.

Hey diddle diddle,
I punched her over spittle.

Here's how I felt about giving the milk away for free when I was single:

Hey man, I gave away some free milk and my future husband bought that cow in record time.

Finally, I've found my wedding dress.

...Excuse me, but where's the Pin? This needs to be on my board.

Yeah, though I don't "tangible, physical lifeforms" would be the right way to phrase it. A lot of people believe that angels are non-physical but still sentient entities.

I think we all know it's going to involve two known variables: 1) meth; and 2) a younger male. It will, of course, be his frigid garden's fault.

Whenever I see guys like this, I think of Squidbilly Jesus telling Early, "I...love you. Technically, I have to."

I'm curious to know just exactly what these "jokes" were. Were they knock knock jokes? Or just good old-fashioned "how many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb" type jokes? Because knock knock jokes are never as funny as 11 year old girls seem to think.

Euro friend?

So bunnies are not for the merely stupid. Got it.

I always give my boyfriend shit about breathing. He breathes really loud and open-mouthed sometimes and it drives me crazy (particularly when watching TV) and I don't like him breathing on me in bed. While sleeping, I am on board with not touching at all and in no circumstances can we ever be facing each other -…

I know right?!!! I had no idea. I mean, I knew about the blow job part, but the clit in the throat thing was news to me. I can't believe they thought about the logic of it that much. In a way, it's almost refreshing that they created a premise focused on the woman's pleasure rather than the man's. #jaded

I love the butterfly!! Me and my boyfriend both have back issues and if you press against each other hard enough it offers really nice mutual back support!! It's like sleeping against a wall, but you can entwine feet in a sweet way!! This cartoon is so true to my life it's awesome, the insomnia one looks exactly like…

I quite like cuddling the cat and being cuddled in an effectively "triple spoon" of cat, human, human cuddling. Very nice in cold weather, while the butterfly or toast position (2 side by side with space between) are better in heatwaves.

"MAYBE SHE JUST LIKES DOING HER NAILS BECAUSE IT'S FUN."