Anyone else disappointed that Jose Quintana didn't just change his first name to "Jesus"?

Since he pretty much moves the offense at will, he's kindly telling the opposing team's fans to turn their tickets in and get their money back at the door.

On January 6, he tried to take his very first steps, an endeavor that produced disappointing results.

How soon can we get Shaq to sign on as a co-host for Nancy Grace?

If the goal is to reduce scoring/increase punts

In McCombs defense, he was initially confused when he was told that UT hired "That Chuck Strong Guy".

Began with a story about him fending off wild monkeys with a machete...

Stick to life, assholes.

It was way more awkward during the conception when Bill blurted out "Send it in Jerome!"

I suddenly have the urge to swat Sarah McLachlan on the ass with a rolled up New York Times.

Holyfield makes almost no sense

Pitchfork is to Drew Magary, as acrobatic paradox of being weightless and enslaved to gravity is to cum guzzling transient hooker herpes stain.

Daunte Culpepper claims he was just shaking dice. He did admit, however, that playing travel Yahtzee while driving the bus was a little distracting.

Jared Allen: [cums]

There's only one appropriate beer for this occasion.

Suh is a colossal jack ass for that hit. He deserves every penny and then some. He could have ended his career! There's no place for that in the NFL! Now, if the hit had been on Christian Ponder.....

What would you do if you got sacked on 4th and 2?

Evidently, stripper glitter and ham also make you slippery, hence the selection of Bryant McKinnie for the pat down.

Diana Nyad is a badass.

I'm disappointed that Nike decided not to go with the alternate breezers.