In an unprecedented move, the Mariners called up their entire AAA roster as the entire major league club had to be put on the DL with fractured wrists and hamstring pulls.

As soon as it was hit, he goes, 'Come on. Punch me. Punch me'

Jason: Just a pinch between your cheek and gums tastes mighty good...

If my team signed Elvis Dumervil, they'd overpay him and then try him out at free safety for the first three weeks.

No Photoshop Required.

At some point, Smoot is going to have to tell us exactly what he calls the act of double-donging two hookers.

+ Zibby Zabba Zubba Zabby

Where does Bears on Jet Skis fit on the Bears that Play Hockey-Tank Johnson continuum?

Yeah, my body's a wonderland and I have to ride the kiddie coaster.

Couldn't you be talking about almost anyone on KFAN when it comes to rambling?

And it's a cop bar no less....Although maybe those are the meatheads looking to start sh*t (Probably from Minneapolis based on recent events).

Oh, there's no beef with Allory's...It's just that LaVelle is an annoying Bears fan.

The beat reporters in MSP really don't distinguish themselves from each other. LaVelle is more annoying when he is on KFAN droning on about watching Bears games at Allory's. Now the columnists on the other hand......

Clearly Royals pitchers are not greasing baseballs with Oil of Olay.

A lonely mother gazing out of her jail cell
Staring at a guard that she just can't touch
Just to get out of this jam
She'll let him inside
Even though she swears she’s not a slut
But all the daiquiris just ain't helping at all
'cause she can't seem to keep
Herself out of trouble
So she goes out in the fountain
And…

Jim Nantz eventually tried to inject himself, and ruined the moment