At least she's had one scrape this week that didn't involve a speculum.

The salmon was given a perfume bath

I TOLD YOU TO GET A CLOWN, YOU OLD HARPY!

they're getting a lot of ballplayer for the money

Exception to the rule?

After I inevitably shoot up a Target store on a Saturday morning, I'm going with Denny Crane. Because,

only now my hair smelled like Lysol AND lotion

but all it takes is even a few hours in one of these northern hellholes to make my forehead look like one of those dried-up rivers in a drought

"Did anybody see that? Nobody saw that, nobody saw that, nobody saw that. PLEASE fucking tell me nobody saw that..."

I totally remember that girl from the athlete party!

I haven't seen that much effort in finishing a bobsled run since Lindsay Lohan partied with Greg Oden!

I'm still trying to figure whose brain in that picture is made from cauliflower and gelatin.

Because Percy Harvin had a headache?

He assumes a variety of disguises—starting quarterback, Sports Business reporter, cast member of Lost—and then jumps on the backs of high schoolers everywhere.

The New York Rangers Made The Day’s Worst Jeremy Lin Pun

But will Chase begin each dunk with a burning cross-over dribble?

Aren't there about a billion bootleg copies of Jeremy Lin already on the streets of Bejing?

Let's see if you can suck this player's dick more than I'm about to suck this player's dick!

Of course China wants Lin, how else are they going to create bootleg copies that they'll try to sell to the Charlotte Bobcats for a fraction of the price?

#SICKLECELL