I think maybe it was a Freudian slip because I want to hit this guy over the head with a viola.

Heh, we do have crumpets! Come, get gay married, go to the walk in clinic for free, smoke some pot! It's all good! ;)

I'm sorry but you could not be more wrong: POP!

If you don't eat your meat.........

This woman is responsible for one of my favorite quotes:

I love wine but am I the only one who thinks Moscato is an abomination?

I'm not saying that I'm the reason this happened or anything, but I will say that my 21st birthday was in 2013…and I pretty much just had wine for dinner. I'll let you guys connect the dots.

All the time. I love when people are like "Where do I know you from?" and I'm like "I'm in porn." Lol

My favorite comment, as reported by Today this morning:

tittoos, if you will

My mom is baller.

#momspaghetti

Oh, there goes Rabbit. He choked, he's so mad but he won't give up that easy, no...

I asked the kid I was babysitting if he had washed his hands after he used the restroom. He told me "Friday is no soap day in our family."

While driving past a faint skunk smell, I idiotically blurted out, "Hmm, smells like weed!"

Some told me they had eaten every kind of poultry including a swan. I live in the UK so this was absurd.

"She opened her top and showed them her boobs, which Jennifer says were completely covered in 'the most beautiful angels and beautiful butterflies and baskets of flowers in pastel-colored tattoos.'"

And you just know he'd be one of those dudes who thinks that the arm rest is his birthright because he has a Y chromosome and is heir to the throne of England, even if *you're* the one in the middle seat.

Ugh! Could you imagine the bad fortune of having to sit next to him? 90 minutes of awkwardly trying to not act like a pleb but still not act like royalty?!