I had a chemistry teacher in high school who came from a long line of funeral directors. She told a story of a man who had been confined to a wheelchair for years, and died in that position. Her father put him in a "soak" so that he would lie flat in the coffin. After dressing and laying him out, he went home for the…

So it's just 20/30-something yuppies taking pictures of shit they own.

I'd have to go a long, long way to equal Tickety Boo Vagine, doll.

Oh ye gods, the way he holds that binky like it is the most precious thing in the world, and the way he looks down at it and looks back up and looks down at it again and looks back up... No, I'm not crying; it's just raining — on my face.

That's so nice.

Absolutely! The new father and I held each other up, gasping, while Mom smiled away behind the Curtain of Blessed Ignorance.

I believe that's Rule 34 - if it exists, there's some sort of porn for it somewhere on the internet.

I only got 32 out of 70, but I don't think it's a fair test to include British swears since I would look like a total arseing douchecanoe using those as an American.

A discussion we had in first grade:

I was sitting in traffic one day when I noticed a long-haired dude in a car near me who would not.stop.staring. I tried to ignore him but I finally yelled, "What the fuck are you looking at, Nickelback?!" I'm not ashamed to admit I laughed at myself for a long time after that.

Woah. Heterosexual men like boobs? Groundbreaking.

Just add the words "I blame Chad Kroeger" onto any paragraph about something bad. It is usually at least partially correct.

Your birth announcements are going to change the world. #truth

You can have my boy back-up name: Leviathan. Problem solved!

I do not have children of my own, but I'm very active in my goddaughter's infanthood.

Here's my take. God doesn't care what you wear. However, if you were going to attend a meeting with the President or the Queen of England, you'd dress up for it. So when you go to church you are dressing for to meet the Creator and Ruler of the Universe, and you should dress appropriately.