FUN FACT: I had an Australian kids’ cookbook that had recipes for those. You had me at “spaghetti and cheese”. You won my love at “Nutella and banana”.

If the judge allows this, I’ll be posting a link to my kickstarter to fund a cannon to shoot all those who are done with this planet to Mars. Fuck.

I’m team “I like this idea”. I guess I’m in the minority.

Let’s play a game....

And STILL my porn preference isn’t listed.

.. you learn a lot of interesting things as a crime reporter.

I have always wanted to learn Spanish. What is the racist lady’s phone number? I’d love for her to yell “speak Spanish!” at me and suddenly be gifted with espanol.

Jesus fucking Christ. I will never understand people like this, and I married (thankfully, divorced) one of them.

That letter though

FILL THE YOUNG’UNS IN PLEASE.

Daaaaw. The Internet once told me that cats cover their poop to hide it from predators, so poop left uncovered (e.g. in a litterbox) is a “fuck you, you are no threat to me”. I feel like Mr. Smokey pooping DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF YOU IN THE HALLWAY is an extra-special “fuck you”. Cats are such bastards. I love them.

WebMD says I have cancer of the bladder.

Single-mother-high-five, sister.

I love asparagus and have never experienced this problem. Am I going to die?

#LIFEHACK!!!

Wat

I’m an amateur seamstress (read: I sew clothes for my daughter once in a blue moon and wonder why I don’t quit my job to sew full-time, then I remember LOL BILLS) so I should know this, but what is the point of the vent being sewn up in the first place?

Pinkham’s Law says that no matter how stupid a restaurant customer is, a commenter will ALWAYS defend them. Example:

This is beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss.