Holy shit, you just made me laugh so hard I spat all over my keyboard. Not "I was drinking and now my beverage is everywhere". "My saliva is everywhere".

Now I'm imagining John Mayer and Dickey* teaming up for a concept album.

Can we take a second to appreciate how specific his math is, people? Gay sex is like eight people shitting in your bed. EXACTLY EIGHT. If you've ever had seven people shit in your bed, GTFO of this conversation because you have no idea what gay sex is like.

I don't think she's saying genetics don't pay a role, though. What she says exactly is:

I wasn't aware that if I didn't wash my hands after touching a doorknob, it would end up inside my body. Thank you for clearing that up, Hickey.

I am so glad intouch provided us with this photo. Without it, I couldn't begin to imagine what it would look like if a woman was trying on a dress that didn't fit.

I love this whole article, especially this part, which made me chortle out loud (col?):

From one card-carrying millenial to another...

Not really related other than it concerns animal welfare, but here we go.

I came here to post about this same thing.

Is that.... Is that a... Yes it is.

"Idyllic crafting wank" is a beautiful way to describe Pinterest. Thank you.

Y'all are making me feel very tame. Suddenly my tales of handjobs in the back of the car while my parents rode in front, and quickies on the upper deck of double-decker buses, are seeming very vanilla.

It was the high-pitched, excited "CICI!" that got me.

Bless you for your honesty. I've found that no gentleman lasts long if I go down on him. Do I take this to be a sign that I am Da Bomb?

Tampax commercial?

Didn't you hear? Their conscious uncoupling was all Chris Martin's conscious fault.

Let's start a business! We can buy them 50 at a time and sell them 3 at a time for a knockout price of only $1,000 for three (massively undercutting our competition!).

How the fuck are they SOLD OUT of the $3,525 three-bracelet set? Who the hell is buying that?

I have more pumps than that in my latte.