A thing of beauty is a joy forever. This, my friend, is beautiful.

Sorry for the bigness.

Remember those halcyon days when to successfully put on airs or be pretentious you had to have a basic working knowledge of the culture you were pretending to? I don’t know who to blame for this deterioration in standards but mark my words, they are going to be getting a very sternly worded letter from yours truly.

One day, I hope someone invents a device that rich men could use when they want to have sex with random women but don’t want all the risks of getting them pregnant and having to pay child support.

Huh. And some men use females as punching bags. Whaddaya gonna do?

Dude, you do realize that women have structural bias too, right? Misogyny isn’t just for men. If it were it would be much easier to eradicate. Additionally, there’s a fuck ton of evidence to suggest publishing is a highly gendered sport.

Just because the publishing industry is heavily female, that doesn’t mean that they can’t be deeply sexist when it comes to their impressions of male versus female writing, and what will sell.

“Certainly, structural sexism exists in ______, but you’re overstating it”

It’s sad, but not at all surprising. I’m a small business owner, and many of my suppliers are men. About a year ago I created the alias ‘Dick Berns’ to use in purchasing. Since then I’ve found that on average my orders ship 2 days faster and cost 6% less when the person on the other end of the transaction thinks that…

Bronx Mowgli? From the Concrete Jungle Book?

It’s like Comic Sans got drunk on chardonnay and started wearing a cheap pink feather boa.

That font is just a tiptoe away from Comic Sans...

You get me.

Banned foods include everything that make this wretched existence worth suffering through for another day.

Banned foods include alcohol, coffee, soda, dairy, meat, pasta, starchy grains and refined sugar.

Fraser, who would not know fun if it peed on her head

Cool. This one time, I was camping and it was dark. I turned off my lamp and squatted to #PEE somewhere in the trees. Started to get that feeling somebody’s watching me and heard a distinct... lapping??? noise? So I spun around with my pants down and there was a deer drinking my #PEE straight from the tap, under my…

So you’re saying they’re literally basic bitches?

Clearly, your pee is not clear.

All right, that’s it, humanity. Get on the bus, you are going to day camp because you have clearly run out of things to do.