I live near Di Fara (well, for now, about to move to South Slope), and the best thing about it is that I can easily go down there when it opens, wait 20 minutes for Dom to make my pepperoni pizza (the pepperonis there...so fucking good), and then bring it home and eat it on my couch with no pants while it is still hot…

I've seen Zopheeia and Jaydyn and I want to douse myself in bleach and set myself on fire when I see those names. Also my cousin thought about naming his first born son Campbell, but they were talked out of it and went with William.

Don't forget about Isabella or Isabelle. Gods, enough with that name already.

Other names I have seen in my Facebook feed:
Kaytee
McKayleigh
Lilleigh

Fucking kill meigh.

I had to quit reading because I kept drifting off into this unfeminine fantasy where I stabbed him in the eyes with handfuls of quotation marks.

I will certainly believe everything that you say, but it doesn't resolve my magnificent performance art vs. written-entirely-on-LSD conundrum.

Morgan Murphy, I will not lie to you. When I am at home on a Friday night with an open bottle of wine, some Thai food, and Netflix, knowing I can get drunk by myself and sleep in the next day, then get up, go for run, do some shopping, see a movie, basically whatever the fuck I want, I am most definitely saying…

My fiance is constantly talking baby talk to our kittens, which is HILARIOUS because he never does stuff like that otherwise. I die to hear it.

My husband makes these noises to our cats. Also sings to our youngest female made up songs about how adorable she is sometimes.

People I don't give a shit about, Volume 381.

Commoditizing being a piece of shit human being doesn't actually make it okay.

D'awwwww! She is a precious pup. Pretty darned sure that she (guessing she b/c of the pink collar) is a Mountain Cur. I watched the video & she has the characteristic bob tail that about 50% of the puppies are born with. They are awesome dogs.

I found my pit bull on the streets of Dayton. She was beaten, starving, and in baaaad shape. I grew up in Germany most my life and their mentality is that a "pitbull is a Kampfhund [fighting dog] and nothing else." They preach that they're all vicious, all mean, etc., and I foolishly believed it.

I think the problem I have is that she says she wouldn't "do that" to her husband, as though wearing sweatpants is somehow a slight against him. Seriously, wear whatever you want, but it's weirdly insulting to insinuate that women who wear sweats are somehow punishing their significant others.

this, I can't stand the smith family anymore.

Did Will Smith refer to himself as the "biggest movie star in the world"? Ugh, that family has become so intolerable. I'd want to be emancipated to get away from all the egos.

Being alone sucks sometimes. I've been single for years, and every single guy I have pursued in my life has turned me down. My relationships are few and far between. Sad, sad times. But you know what, I don't blame the people who weren't interested for not being interested. It's my own personality, or the…