I told my refridgerator I was too cute to not have fudge pops and it told me to go screw myself with a concrete dildo on a rocking chair. I now have charges against me for appliance assault and battery.

It's true. When I'm feeling ignored by Dodai, I don't star or comment on her articles. When Lindy professes admiration in dirt bag for something I disagree with, I make sure to post of gif of a celebrity snoozing. When Erin Gloria Ryan doesn't post for a day I always make sure to comment on her next post with 'oh,…

As far as the Tompkins Square Dog Halloween Parade goes, Gracie the Glamour Pug will always be my perennial favorite.

John Mayer "flaunted" his ankles. Oh...no? He just went outside with his body and existed in the world without being accused of "flaunting"? WEIRD.

Dear Lindy,

As others have said, this story is incredibly heartwarming.

Whoa whoa! Why is Doug Barry here? I'm used to only griping about him on the weekends. And he shows up on a Friday with a good story? My head is all in a muddle!

Look, New Jersey has plenty to make fun of, but please, let's stop shitting on it. Every state has something to make fun of. Yes, there are plenty of Theresa Guidice's out there, but most of the population votes to throw a huge number of Electoral College votes toward the more liberal side of the political spectrum.…

My friend who just gave birth couldn't be discharged from the hospital until a social worker spoke with her and a THC test was run. Why? Because she admitted to smoking pot in college a decade ago! Thankfully the social worker thought the reason she was called was ridiculous and it only kept my friend an extra day in…

Ooooh story time! I fell and broke both of my arms last year, don't use a stool to change a lightbulb, or you'll have shitty results! So while I was recovering after my surgery, I had this brilliant idea. See the worse arm, I shattered the head of the radius and they pieced it back together with 5 titanium screws. It…

Does anyone remember the Shake Weight for Men commercial? The guy's breathing, and little comments (they were very suggestive!) were hilarious. The whole tone was "this is okay for dudes to do, too! not just for laydeez!" and it was so bad!

LOL, I just fed my twins dinner and they do this every meal. Monkey See, Monkey Do is the motto of twins around the world.

Cutest GIF ever!

YESSSSSSS!

The specific little kitties in that promo are in Russia (and haven't been kittens for a good long while). They are from a cuteness-overloaded YouTube channel called FunnyCatsAndNiceFish. The channel also has the famous clip of the momcat who reaches out and hugs her kitten in mid-nightmare. Be warned, that particular…

Back in the late 80's I was a spry little 2nd grader at a private school in New Jersey. During the Holiday Showcase of 1989 my class was chosen to sing the MOST IMPORTANT SONG OF ALL TIME. 30 7-year-olds lined up that night to sing "Partridge in a Pear Tree", but only 2 of us were captured on the Official Video Of The…

I hope this kid grows up and sees this video one day....IT'S PURE COMEDY GOLD. She's amazing.

Yeah, I'm going to be that commenter. She is AWESOME and thank god for her else the audience would be subjected to the awkwardly sexualized moves of four year olds. (check 1:25 far left which I think is what the routine was supposed to look like).

I love the mostly white one. He's like sad!cat. Also the front dominant one who's all "BACK OFF" and "I HAVE BEAUTIFUL SWOOPING LINES". That cat will be a ballet dancer.

Puppy-saving firemen are fine, but they can't hold a candle to my boyfriend, Astronaut Mike Dexter.

Ha! Gotta have standards :)

In reality this is just my thinly-veiled attempt to get my mom to stop bugging me about settling down. "What about Tom? He's smart and good looking and seems very nice, he'd be a good boyfriend."

"Yes but would he run into a burning building to save a puppy? Next please."